Like a Roving Stone

Goodbye, Romero!

2008-06-18T13:12:00.001-07:00

Farewell, Romero, it was nice having you as our guest even though you bitched all the time. On the up side, though, your absence clears up some shelf space and I now have one less thing to dust.

Sophie sends her regards; she will miss rubbing her chin on you. Hope you and the gnome are still getting along. Tell Virgil we wish him a speedy recovery from his head injury.

Love,

SME, Richard, & Sophie

2008-05-10T23:55:00.001-07:00

I have heard about my brother Virgil's unfortunate accident. It seems he was punctured by a household item while being stored in the garage.

Always think twice before saying, " I need you around like I need a hole in the head."

But don't worry about Virgil. He didn't hurt anything important.

A Non-Vacation for Romero.

2008-03-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

While the big people pack for vacation somewhere that is sunny, somewhere that is distant, somewhere that is not this living room, I sit on the floor as always. Has anyone thought to invite the resident rock? Has anyone even considered the resident rock? As ever, no.

At least I will not be harrassed by the rabbit or by the ramblings of Glenn Beck while the big people are enjoying themselves elsewhere. I would hardly call that a vacation, however.

Ho Ho Humph

2007-12-14T21:58:00.000-08:00

I came out of hibernation for this?

Tagged Again: Things About Romero

2007-09-24T01:48:00.000-07:00

Two Names You Go By:
1. "Smiley"
2. "That Rock in the Yard/on the Shelf"

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. An idiotic grin
2. A fine layer of dust

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. RESPECT!
2. Fun, fun, fun, then some more fun.

Two of Your Favorite Things to Do:
1. Plot my escape.
2. Make faces at the rabbit when no one else is looking.

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. My FREEDOM!!
2. A martini

Two Longest Car Rides: 1. The ride from my first home (an outlet store of some kind) to my second home (a yard). 2. My stowaway ride from the yard to my current PRISON in this godforsaken Canadian HELL. This ride went on forever, and as I was buried in the trunk I didn't get to see any scenery.

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. The Fourth of July seems fun. Not that I would know - I was always stuck in the yard next to Virgil, who couldn't stand the sound of fireworks.
2. I have heard that Christmas is quite merry. Again, I would not know. The festivities always seem to be indoors.

Two Favorite Beverages:
1. Fresh rainwater (NOT hose water)
2. Martinis. I think. I have never had the pleasure of consuming one.

Two Things About Me You May Not Have Known:
1. I can hear perfectly well, despite my lack of ears.
2.

Two Jobs I Have Had in My Life:
1. Decorative outdoor rock
2. Decorative indoor rock/hostage

Two Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. Joe vs. the Volcano
2. any movie about a rock who strikes it rich, lives the high life, and purchases the Playboy Mansion

Two Places I Have lived:
1. Minnesota
2. Canada. Unfortunately. My mistake.

Two of My Favorite Foods:
I do not actually need to consume food, but if I did I would like to try some caviar and filet mignon.

Two Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. ANYWHERE.
2. Monte Carlo.

So Now I'm Nice

2007-09-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

My neglectful owner has "tagged" me with an award for niceness. How nice. How would she, or anyone, know that I am nice? Sure, I have a big smile on my face, but inside I am seething. First I am forced to decorate a lawn beside my insufferable brother, now I am being held captive in a ridiculously small condo somewhere in the wilds of Canada. How about instead of tagging me, thsmom, you rescue me from this hellhole?!

Since I have nothing better to do, I suppose I will respond to the tag "10 Things About Myself" as well.

1. I am not actually a rock. I appear to be some sort of poly-resin blend.

2. I hate my brother Virgil.

3. My brother Virgil hates me.

4. I hate Canada.

5. I hate rabbits.

6. I hate sitting on a lawn or a shelf like a stupid Hummel figurine!!

7. I hate cartoons. Why can't SME watch something more edifying?

8. I have heard that if I was dropped from the top of the Empire State Building, I could kill someone or at least give them a serious bump on the head. I would like to try that someday.

9. The only good thing about being stuck in a condo is that I might not gather moss. Moss is so tacky.

10. I have developed a taste for opera.

The Invisible Rock

2007-08-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

You would think, since I am trapped in a condo in Canada, that my hosts would show a little courtesy.
You would think, that when SME tags all her friends she would take the time to consider me, since I'm sitting right here all the time and have nothing better to do. Seeing as I have a blog and everything. It is not easy for a rock to have a blog. Yet I do. And I would update it more often if my hosts would get away from their computers once in a while.
You would think they would go out of their way to keep me happy. You would think.

Hmmph.

I have had my eye on the door this week. Someday, they will leave it open and forget about me long enough...

Someday.

Broke Again

2007-08-07T14:57:00.001-07:00

My career as a pharmacist is over.
It appears that Internet pharmacies are plentiful these days, and they go out of business rather quickly, despite the high demand for discount "Viagra" and "Cialis".
What to do?
I applied for a position as a hotel wine steward in the Okanagan Valley, but was turned away as soon as the proprietors discovered I would have to roll each bottle to the table and ask the customer to uncork it himself.

Job

2007-08-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

Never having been on my own before, I am in need of money.
The people I am staying with leave only pennies and nickels on their dressers, damn them.
Yesterday I received in my Hotmail an invitation to join a pharmaceutical firm of national renown, and it seems like a marvelous opportunity. Here is their latest advertisement...

"At long last amount you can appreciate about. DiscountPharmacy a Highest Canadian Worldwide Medicine Treatment Assistance Seller. From the time of opening in Y2k of March, Discount-Pharmacy has merit many drugstore official approvals and turn into one of the mainly safety pharmaceutical on the World Wide Web. With over permanent employees, and over 4500 prescribed by doctor filled daily and sent gently to patients worldwide, you can depend on us with your medical prescription medical treatment purchase.
For more Information, Try this Link: www.rxtop.org"

Sayonara

2007-08-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

To my brother:

You will never see me again if I have my way.
I have had enough of your pessimism.
Even for a rock, you're depressing.

R&R

2007-08-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

Mission Accomplished

2007-08-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

At last, I am in the city.
My heart is glad, but my body is sore and tired.
You try spending 48 hours in the trunk of a car.
I could use a drink, but without arms it's terribly hard to shake a martini.